Reading this made me feel both seen and angry, as someone who made the hard choice to leave a fulfilling career to focus on the demands of family life that I felt were so intense I could not do both. It often feels like a lose / lose situation.
But…I am super excited to share that my family will be moving to Copenhagen, Denmark this summer. I am thrilled to go live amongst the “happiest people in the world” and hopefully share some insight into the differences in society and structural support they have that we could learn from in the US.
So many feminist writers do not address the fact that SAHMs have no safety net! We don’t have a savings account or a retirement plan. If anything happens to the working partner, whether that be disability, illness, death, or divorce, SAHMs are hung out to dry.
I was a SAHM for 7 years, I still did at home work of all kinds to bring in extra money, and my (now ex, a Republican) raged at the fact that he was the sole bread winner and how stressful that was, but then when I went into direct sales, raged at being home alone with our three young children while I worked!
When we divorced, I had a terrible time getting a full time job that paid well. I have a dual BA, but got married at 20, powered through to finish my college degree while working over 5 years, then had my first child. So my resume was very short!
As a single mom, work has been hard to come by, even with a degree!! I’m in rural south central PA (originally from MD, long story). You either get a full time job at minimum wage or you get a higher pay rate and work part-time. I’ve been laid off twice! Even when I get a job, I know I am making less than my male counterparts! And around here? Jobs are manufacturing, medical (mostly nursing), or CDL drivers. My degree is in elementary ed and liberal studies (no certification or license), and am currently in school for a library science masters. I now have 20 years experience in marketing which is like a foreign concept around here! There are no protections for women or the industries they prefer to work in! (Shew! I’m done! Sorry!!)
This is something I’ve struggled with since welcoming my firstborn. He was a NICU baby, and I felt like I had to go back so soon after he came home. I’ve always struggled with feeling like I was managing a full time job plus being a full time mom. I wrote a Substack post about it and would love for you to check it out.
I fully agree with this! I want to hate tradwives and that whole movement. However, when I dig deep down, I realise that I'm also a bit envious of them, not because I agree with their ideas but because I constantly feel like I'm burning out from juggling motherhood and work (and I'm flexible!) This is something I explored in a previous essay: https://femmefactale.substack.com/p/i-want-to-hate-tradwives-but-i-dont
As I wrote, "The truth is that, like every trend, this increased interest in traditional gender roles is symptomatic of our times and points to a much bigger issue than simply yearning for our own vegetable patch and a time when we didn’t rock up to the school gates looking like Adam Sandler (definitely my case). Here’s where I think the real problem lies: motherhood today is not normal."
Reading this made me feel both seen and angry, as someone who made the hard choice to leave a fulfilling career to focus on the demands of family life that I felt were so intense I could not do both. It often feels like a lose / lose situation.
But…I am super excited to share that my family will be moving to Copenhagen, Denmark this summer. I am thrilled to go live amongst the “happiest people in the world” and hopefully share some insight into the differences in society and structural support they have that we could learn from in the US.
That is exciting! I look forward to hearing about your experience!
Every word!!! 👏🏼
So many feminist writers do not address the fact that SAHMs have no safety net! We don’t have a savings account or a retirement plan. If anything happens to the working partner, whether that be disability, illness, death, or divorce, SAHMs are hung out to dry.
I was a SAHM for 7 years, I still did at home work of all kinds to bring in extra money, and my (now ex, a Republican) raged at the fact that he was the sole bread winner and how stressful that was, but then when I went into direct sales, raged at being home alone with our three young children while I worked!
When we divorced, I had a terrible time getting a full time job that paid well. I have a dual BA, but got married at 20, powered through to finish my college degree while working over 5 years, then had my first child. So my resume was very short!
As a single mom, work has been hard to come by, even with a degree!! I’m in rural south central PA (originally from MD, long story). You either get a full time job at minimum wage or you get a higher pay rate and work part-time. I’ve been laid off twice! Even when I get a job, I know I am making less than my male counterparts! And around here? Jobs are manufacturing, medical (mostly nursing), or CDL drivers. My degree is in elementary ed and liberal studies (no certification or license), and am currently in school for a library science masters. I now have 20 years experience in marketing which is like a foreign concept around here! There are no protections for women or the industries they prefer to work in! (Shew! I’m done! Sorry!!)
It can be so incredibly difficult to navigate! I hear from so many women with similar experiences. There needs to be more protections and support!
This is something I’ve struggled with since welcoming my firstborn. He was a NICU baby, and I felt like I had to go back so soon after he came home. I’ve always struggled with feeling like I was managing a full time job plus being a full time mom. I wrote a Substack post about it and would love for you to check it out.
https://open.substack.com/pub/modernmotherhoodmusings/p/my-biggest-struggle-since-becoming-a-mom?r=hv11r&utm_medium=ios
I fully agree with this! I want to hate tradwives and that whole movement. However, when I dig deep down, I realise that I'm also a bit envious of them, not because I agree with their ideas but because I constantly feel like I'm burning out from juggling motherhood and work (and I'm flexible!) This is something I explored in a previous essay: https://femmefactale.substack.com/p/i-want-to-hate-tradwives-but-i-dont
As I wrote, "The truth is that, like every trend, this increased interest in traditional gender roles is symptomatic of our times and points to a much bigger issue than simply yearning for our own vegetable patch and a time when we didn’t rock up to the school gates looking like Adam Sandler (definitely my case). Here’s where I think the real problem lies: motherhood today is not normal."
OMG I felt this article with every fiber of my being!!!! WELL SAID PAIGE!!! 👏👏👏👏
Paige, THANK YOU for saying the quiet part out loud and for seeing ALL moms in your approach. Couldn't love this more!