What Moms Actually Want for Mother’s Day
What real moms are asking for—and it’s not a gift
Mother’s Day is two weeks away.
And if I’m being honest, it’s one of those holidays that carries a lot of weight for many reaons.
For some women, it’s a day they look forward to.
For others, it’s a day that brings up a lot of emotions.
And for many, it’s a mix of both.
Because Mother’s Day isn’t just about brunch reservations and flowers.
It’s about recognition.
(And if you are looking for ideas for Mother’s day I have a long list below!)
Why This Day Feels So Big
For a lot of women, Mother’s Day becomes the day.
The day they hope to feel seen.
The day they hope someone else takes the lead.
The day they don’t have to plan, coordinate, or manage everything.
Because for the rest of the year, they’re often the one:
carrying the mental load
planning holidays
managing schedules
making things happen for everyone else
So when Mother’s Day comes around, there’s an unspoken hope:
This is the day someone does that for me.
And when that doesn’t happen, or when it falls short, it can feel really disappointing.
The Dynamic We Don’t Talk About
Whenever I talk about Mother’s Day, I hear the same story from women over and over again.
And often, it ends in disappointment.
“I told him to surprise me.”
“I just didn’t want to have to plan my own day.”
“I just wanted him to know what I’d want.”
Or sometimes, nothing is said at all, and there’s just hope.
And I get that.
What most women are really saying is: I want a day where someone is thinking about me. Caring about me. Planning something for me.
And that is because throughout the year this is work that normally falls on her shoulders.
A lot of women want this to be a day where their partner shows them how much they love them.
But we don’t always have clear conversations about what that actually looks like.
Sometimes partners don’t ask.
Sometimes they ask, but don’t follow through.
And sometimes they ask so many questions that it ends up back on her anyway.
Where should I book?
What do you want to eat?
Do you want to see your mom?
And suddenly, she’s planning her own Mother’s Day again.
Which kind of defeats the whole point.
Because when women say, “I don’t want anything,” what they usually mean is:
I don’t want to manage this.
I talk a lot about the mental load, and I think this is one of those moments where it shows up really clearly.
Mother’s Day isn’t just about what you do, it’s about who is thinking, planning, and owning the day.
I remember my first Mother’s Day, I was a little let down.
I was celebrated, but not in the way I had hoped to be.
And looking back, I hadn’t been clear about what I actually wanted.
But once I was, everything shifted.
My husband was able to follow through on it. He took ownership.
He didn’t say yes and then let me down, he actually made it happen.
And that mattered.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about getting everything perfect.
It’s about feeling like someone took the time to think about you, and followed through on it.
Why It Feels Different Than Father’s Day
Now we don’t tend to have the same conversations about Father’s Day.
There’s less pressure.
Less buildup.
Less expectation that it has to “make up” for anything.
And part of that is because, structurally, many men already have more time to themselves throughout the year.
So Father’s Day feels like a bonus.
For a lot of women, Mother’s Day feels like a moment of relief they’ve been waiting for.
The Family Dynamics Layer
Then there’s the added complexity of family.
Do we celebrate:
the mother of our children?
our own moms?
both?
Do we split the day?
Do we travel?
Do we host?
It’s a lot to navigate for what’s supposed to be a simple holiday.
How We Handle Mother’s Day in Our House
In our house, we try to keep it really simple.
We treat Mother’s Day and Father’s Day very similarly, we use them as a chance to celebrate each other as parents.
Typically, my day looks like this:
I sleep in
My husband gets the kids up and makes breakfast
He usually books me a massage
sometimes just for me
sometimes we do a couples massage
We spend some time together as a family
Then in the afternoon, we’ll get a babysitter and go out to lunch or dinner
We do the same thing on Father’s Day.
It’s not complicated, but it’s consistent, and it works for us.
This year, I’m not even asking for a traditional gift.
I asked for my car to be detailed.
It sounds small, but it’s something that’s been sitting on my mental list for months and having someone else take care of it feels like a gift.
What I’ve Wanted Has Changed
Now a few years ago, if you had asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, my answer would have been:
Nothing.
I didn’t want to think.
I didn’t want to plan.
I didn’t want to answer questions like “where do you want to go?”
I just wanted a day where I didn’t have to manage anything.
And that was because I was exhausted.
I think a lot of women can relate to that version of Mother’s Day.
What Do You Want for Mother’s Day?
I know for a lot of women, when Mother’s Day comes around, you don’t even know what you want.
You’re so used to managing everything that it’s hard to even step back and think about what would actually feel good.
So you default to saying “nothing.”
Even when your partner is asking, because they genuinely want to get it right.
So I asked all of you what your ideal Mother’s Day looks like—partly out of curiosity, and partly because I know a lot of people are trying to figure this out.
And the responses were incredibly consistent.
It wasn’t about gifts.
It wasn’t about elaborate plans.
It was this:
You want a break from the mental load.
You want a day where:
you’re not doing the domestic labor
you’re not planning or coordinating
you’re not the one keeping everything running
You just want someone else to take ownership for the day.
Yes, some of you mentioned:
time alone
a massage
a nice meal
But underneath all of it was the same core idea:
You don’t want to be the one in charge for a day.
Some ideas for you.
That said, there were also some really great ideas in there.
Simple things, thoughtful things, things that don’t require a huge budget or a big production, just intention.
I’m including a PDF below with all of the ideas you shared, because there were so many practical, helpful responses.
And you deserve to be celebrated—so if you’re out of ideas yourself, share this list with the people in your life.
If You’re a Partner Reading This
If you’re trying to figure out what to do for Mother’s Day, start here:
Ask her what she wants.
And then follow through on it.
But also understand that what she’s asking for might not be something you can buy.
It might be:
taking over the mental load for the day
planning the details from start to finish
making decisions without asking her to weigh in
The goal isn’t just to do something nice.
It’s to make her feel like she doesn’t have to manage anything.
If You’re a Mom Reading This
It’s okay if Mother’s Day feels complicated.
It’s okay if what you want has changed.
It’s okay if you want something simple—or something very specific.
And it’s okay to say it out loud.
One Last Thing
Mother’s Day doesn’t have to look one way.
It can be:
a slow morning at home
a day out
time alone
time together
Big or small, it doesn’t matter.
The goal isn’t perfection.
It’s feeling seen, supported, and appreciated in a way that actually matters to you.
This year I really hope we have a newborn so Mother's Day will be a little different. But I've also had to learn to be very specific in what I want - because my MIL didn't ask for much on mother's day, my husband didn't know what to do.
In general I want to sleep in, not make breakfast or have to feed someone before I eat, and do very little clean up. I do enjoy spending time with our kids, and we often go to lunch at my parents and dinner with my husband's expanded family.
Something we always struggle with is that as a mom "in the trenches" I don't always want to leave our house. Being the first generation to break the mold though... that's really hard!
Check my post on Mother’s Day