The High Cost of Raising Kids
What people really mean when they say kids are expensive and why it’s about more than just childcare.
We often hear the phrase "kids are expensive," but how often do we actually break down what that means? We all know it’s true, but when you look at the numbers, it becomes clear why millennial and Gen Z parents are having fewer children, or waiting longer to start families. The rising costs of living, especially the cost of childcare, are huge factors in this decision.
The reality is, most families need two incomes just to keep up with the basic necessities: a roof over their heads, food on the table, and the rest of life’s expenses. When we talk about “kids being expensive,” for many of us, childcare is the single most expensive part of raising a family. However, it’s certainly not the only expense.
Most of us also find ourselves navigating the high costs of housing, groceries, clothing, baby products, formula, diapers, and the constant need to replace what our kids outgrow. These aren’t just occasional costs, they’re ongoing, essential expenses. And then, on top of covering these basics, many of us also feel a strong desire to give our kids the life we imagine for them. This might mean enrolling them in sports, helping them pay for college, or being able to take them on family vacations to create lasting memories.
All of these things add up, and when you’re trying to balance them on one income, it becomes incredibly difficult. It’s not just about covering the cost of keeping your kids alive and fed, it’s about creating opportunities for them to thrive and experience the world in a way that you want for them.
For the sake of this conversation, I’m going to break down one week of child-related expenses. Before I dive in, it’s important to note that I’m not including housing, utilities, or other household expenses. This breakdown will focus solely on the costs directly related to raising my kids, everything from childcare to extracurricular activities, healthcare, and school-related expenses. This is the financial reality many parents face every week, and it's important to see how these expenses add up.
A Week in the Life: The Real Cost of Parenting
For context, I have four kids. I share this because this is more than double the average number of kids in a family in the US. Because of this I will break some of this down per child!
Childcare: $1,230
We have two kids in full-time daycare (they are 3 and 4 years old). Each of them costs $78 per day, so for both of them, it’s $780 a week. Then, my two older kids, who are seven and eight, attend after-school care. That’s $45 per day, per child, which adds up to $450 a week for both of them.
That brings the total to $1,230 just for childcare every single week.
This is our largest expense.
Grocery Costs: $498
For our family of six, we typically spend between $275 to $350 on groceries. This week, it was a bit higher at $355. Why? Because you can’t predict when you’ll run out of ketchup or need to replace the snacks the kids devour in a day.
I also made a quick Costco trip and spent $98 picking up a few things we’d run out of.
In addition to groceries, we had a few school-related food expenses. This week, I spent $45 on school lunch for my kids. That includes $30 for my older two kids’ lunch tickets and $10 for my younger girls for their “pizza day” at school.
Extra-Curricular Costs: $272
Our daughters had their dance recital this week. We spent $28 per ticket and had to buy 4 tickets, bringing the total to $112.
Additionally, we paid for their dance lessons for the month. We pay $160 per month for 3 dance classes for our 2 daughters.
Doctor’s Visits and Medication: $66
This week, we also had a doctor’s visit. My daughter went for a routine appointment and by the time we left, we had spent $40 on the copay.
We also had to restock our kids allergy meds, which cost about $26 this week. It’s not an everyday expense, but it’s one that comes up monthly, and just like everything else, it adds to the financial strain.
Healthcare costs are an ongoing burden that’s hard to predict. Between routine visits, medication, and unexpected treatments, we always find ourselves paying out-of-pocket for something related to our kids' health
Birthday Celebrations: $200
And then, there are the annual celebrations like birthday parties. This week, my two older kids had birthdays, so we spent about $200 between gifts, cake, ice cream, and all the fun that comes with birthdays.
The Total for One Week: $2,000
So, after all the expenses this week, we spent a total of about $2,000 just on things directly related to our kids.
Now, I want to be clear that not everything on this list happens every week, some things, like the birthdays or the recital tickets, are occasional. But there’s always something. You never know when an emergency or an unexpected cost will come up, and these numbers are pretty representative of what families with kids deal with every single week.
Focusing on Stay-at-Home Moms as the Answer to Childcare Costs
A common pushback I often hear in response to the "kids are expensive" conversation is the suggestion that if women just stayed home, they wouldn’t have to worry about the high costs of childcare. I think people focus on childcare because it feels like a simple solution, after all, childcare costs are so much higher than housing and many other family expenses. However, this perspective frames staying at home as the easy fix, yet it overlooks the broader, long-term consequences.
Encouraging women to step away from their careers to save on childcare costs ignores the impact it has on their lifetime earnings, retirement savings, and the potential for future financial insecurity. Moreover, many families simply can’t live on one income. It’s not just about saving on childcare, it’s about the larger economic reality that many households face. This oversimplified solution fails to address the complexities of balancing family life with financial stability.
Extracurriculars: A Vital Investment in My Kids’ Future
Another common pushback is the idea that extracurricular activities (like dance classes) aren’t necessary, that they’re optional expenses. However, for many parents, these activities are seen as non-negotiable because of the value they bring to their children’s lives. They enrich kids' development by teaching new skills, building confidence, and, in some cases, ensuring their safety.
Take swimming lessons, for example. These lessons are often seen as a luxury, but in reality, they are essential for water safety. In a world where drowning is a leading cause of death in children, ensuring that kids are safe in the water is absolutely non-negotiable for many families. But here's the catch: swim lessons can be expensive, and registration often fills up fast, making it difficult for many families to access. These lessons can be a significant financial burden.
Some might suggest that parents should teach their kids these skills on their own, but that assumes parents have access to a pool or the resources to safely teach them. Many families don’t have that option.
The cost of these activities has risen significantly in recent years, but even more concerning is how access to recreational sports and community programs has dwindled. As these opportunities become more limited, it’s increasingly difficult for families to provide these enriching experiences without facing financial strain.
Why This Conversation Matters
This conversation isn’t just about the money, it’s about the larger system at play. Many Millennial and Gen Z parents want to have children or have more children, but feel they cannot due to financial barriers like the high cost of childcare, housing, and everyday living expenses. For many, the idea of starting or expanding a family feels out of reach. This is why I’m sharing this, it’s essential to be transparent about these struggles. We talk about how expensive raising kids is, but we don’t often dive into the numbers that reflect the real, ongoing costs. People often say, “It’s expensive, but you just figure it out.” But the reality is, you can’t always figure it out, and it’s time to acknowledge that many families are not just struggling to make ends meet, they are struggling to make the decision to have children or grow their families in the first place.
The more we talk about these issues, the more we can drive change. We can advocate for affordable childcare, work on solutions for accessible extracurriculars, and empower parents with the tools to plan more effectively. By pushing for systemic change, we can create a reality where families don’t have to choose between financial stability and having the children they want.
Thanks for articulating all of these costs and why they matter. (Also, I’m really impressed you manage to keep kids’ birthdays to only $200! We probably need to reign in our spending in that category.)