A Lesson Learned in the Complexities of Parental Leave

How confusing policies and gendered expectations continue to impact working families.

Navigating parental leave in the U.S. can be incredibly confusing—and the challenges go beyond just figuring out what benefits are available. As a working parent, you might find yourself struggling to understand the ins and outs of FMLA policies, paid leave, and even unpaid leave benefits. I recently learned about a frustrating reality many couples face: the “FMLA marriage penalty.”

If both spouses work for the same company and are eligible for FMLA leave, they must share a combined total of 12 weeks for certain reasons like bonding with a new child or caring for a seriously ill parent. Instead of each taking 12 weeks individually, couples must divide the time between them. This creates logistical and financial challenges, especially when you're already juggling the excitement and responsibilities of parenthood.

What’s even more frustrating is that many parents don’t realize these complexities until they’re already expecting. It’s not something most people think to ask about ahead of time. By the time couples are navigating parental leave, many don’t fully understand how it works—or how policies like this can impact their lives. And unfortunately, the lack of clarity and knowledge isn’t limited to parents. Many HR teams aren’t fully aware of the details either. These hidden barriers can make an already overwhelming experience even harder to manage.

But this isn’t just about one policy or a single challenge; it’s part of a larger issue that keeps the U.S. behind many other countries when it comes to paid parental leave. In countries around the world, paid parental leave is often more generous, and employers are more proactive in creating policies that support both parents. In the U.S., we fall short—leaving many families scrambling to make ends meet, especially when policies like the "marriage penalty" create even more hurdles.

Now, I want to talk about another piece of this puzzle that we rarely discuss but that has a huge impact: the role of fathers in the equation.

Paid Parental Leave Is Not Just a "Women’s Issue"—It’s a Family Issue

We often think of policies like paid parental leave as a “women’s issue” because, historically, women have taken the majority of leave when they have children. But there’s a bigger story here. Men also have access to paid parental leave, but too often, they choose to opt out. And this decision isn’t just personal—it sends a signal to both governments and workplaces that paid leave is only something women need.

When men don’t take their paid parental leave, it reinforces the idea that caregiving and parental leave are primarily women’s responsibilities. This not only puts the burden of childcare on women but also means that policymakers and employers see little incentive to expand or improve parental leave benefits for everyone. After all, if men aren’t using the leave they’re entitled to, why should the government or companies feel pressured to make policies more equitable?

In fact, some countries have already recognized this and taken action. In places like Sweden and Norway, governments have implemented mandated paid leave for fathers to ensure that both parents share in the responsibility of caregiving. This policy helps break down the traditional gender roles that limit both men and women in the workplace and at home. It’s time for the U.S. to follow suit and ensure that paid parental leave is seen as a family issue, not just a women’s issue.

The Need for Change

The reality is that if we want true equity at work, men need to step up. Men need to take their paid parental leave. Men need to take time off when their children are sick. Men need to become equal partners in caregiving. When they do, it helps not only their families but every woman in the workplace.

If both men and women are sharing the load at home, it’s harder for employers to punish either parent for taking leave. It’s time for the workplace to reflect the reality of family life, where both parents are equally involved in raising their children.

So, for the love of equality, if you’re a father with access to paid parental leave—please take it. The workplace will adapt. And, more importantly, the change we need in both the workplace and at home will become a reality.

The Takeaway

The U.S. is behind many other countries when it comes to paid parental leave. The policies we have make it harder for working families to thrive, and the lack of awareness of these policies only complicates matters. But one thing is clear: if men step into caregiving roles and take the leave they’re entitled to, we can begin to shift the balance and create more equitable workplaces for everyone.